A shift in the wind.
As a child, I thought I had memories of living a past life in Europe and growing up, I was always afraid of water because I had the feeling of drowning when I would see it. My parents would laugh and say I had a great imagination. As I matured, I trusted my "memories" and feelings less and less because I thought they were nothing more than mere figments of my imagination. I funneled my creative energy into painting, writing, photography and different mediums for visual art. Even though I had a creative way to express myself, it was my hobby and something I did not take seriously. I reached a point where I did not trust my feelings or intuition at all. I told myself that what is right is opposite of what I felt. If my gut told me to turn right, I would go left.
Growing up in an overachieving and overly logical family of doctors, nurses, engineers, pharmacists and lawyers, I too chose a career in what I believed to be logical: a lawyer. I went from law firm life, to a large American corporation and then to a large public entity. All were bureaucratic and allowed me to be lost amongst the crowd. It felt safe. I worked hard, long hours, ate out of convenience and exercised until exhaustion or illness. I felt proud to identify myself as a lawyer and did not hesitate to prove myself inside and outside the courtroom.
As my path would have it, I was not destined to remain with one rigid identity. The Universe sent me two beautiful children. I now tacked on "mother" as part of my identity which I was not comfortable with. I started experiencing bullying by my boss at work. He nitpicked things that were not noticed before and inconsistently and harshly criticized me for things that did not exist. Because I was so wrapped up in my identity as an accomplished lawyer, being questioned suddenly felt like an attack on my abilities and my existence as a person. Even though many of the criticisms were not real issues, I doubted myself and began to question my own being. I ignored them by working harder, staying later and getting into fights with my husband. My ego was in high alert. I was going to bully those I love so my ego can continue to feel secure. In a few short months, I lost significant weight, my hair began to fall out, my skin became pale and had endless digestive issues. After a couple of visits to the ER and pneumonia, my mind finally broke. My striving and reaching was killing me. Since my identity as a great lawyer and tireless worker could no longer be sustained, I felt I completely lost who I was. It was as though I woke from a deep but restless sleep, just to find myself in someone else's home and in someone else's body.
I began meditating and seeking professional help. The wind began to blow towards my soul. During one of these sorrowful meditations, I allowed the gulf of pain to open inside and while embracing it, I connected to an energy I had never experienced. I felt so complete but yet part of something greater. I needed to learn more. I began to go on retreats to shift my thoughts from my storied self to my soul. I took courses to identify the power of subconscious beliefs. It was my course in Psychic Bootcamp that I realized my shift and began to connect to others. I noticed my conversations began to turn into a session of healing for my friends.
I am not sure what to call myself or need to find a label but I know using intuitive healing methods work. I have seen the results. I've seen the shifts from dissatisfaction to a state of grace. I have seen the light in their eyes change to one of hope and optimism.
Everyone has the ability to connect to their intuition, their higher self. You just have to move your ego or storied self out of the way. My goal is to give you the some tools so that you can continue working on yourself. You results will be beyond your mind's imagination.
Jenny is a practicing attorney in California. She is also certified personal trainer through NASM and graduate of Psychic Bootcamp.
She is currently obtaining her fitness nutrition certification and completing a course in Soul Sculpt.